5 STEPS TO REDISCOVERING WHO YOU ARE (AS A NEW MOM)
You can never possibly prepare yourself for the transition that happens between pregnancy and motherhood. Understanding that this truly is the next chapter in your life, one in which you will be rediscovering who you are.
Having a baby is something we dream about for years. We picture what our kids will look like, we pick out their names, we envision the fun activities we will do, the cute selfies we will take, the precious bonding we will experience.
Then we take that giant leap into motherhood and those things all happen.
However what also happens, what we weren’t even remotely prepared for is how different mom life is.
How lost we feel. How unsure of EVERYTHING we are. All of a sudden doubting and questioning every move. Where did the confident, excited woman go?
Our life, our bodies, our minds, our emotions are all consumed by this tiny little being we have created. Somewhere in there, mom takes over and our individual self disappears.
It takes time before we realize just how far in we have gotten and how far away from ourselves we are.
How the simple act of caring for our self no longer exists.
The idea of even doing something for ourselves totally separate from our kids brings an immense amount of guilt. And heaven forbid someone asks us what WE want to do, or what WE enjoy….our minds go blank and we no longer have a clue as to what lights us up and brings us joy outside of our kids.
We go out in public, no longer confident in who we are, what we are doing, how to dress, or even how to have an intelligent conversation with our peers outside of our kids.
Our confidence was a thing of the past.
Now we just go through the motions of caring for others because ‘it’s just how it is’ and we’ve come to accept that.
It’s easier to stay in the habitual routine of giving to others then it is to step out and rediscover who we really are.
The thing is you can still be a rockstar mom without devoting every moment to your kids.
Rediscovering who you are doesn’t mean you love your kids any less or you aren’t going to be there for them in the way that they need.
In fact, I’d say it’s the opposite.
When I discover who I am, I’ll be free
― Ralph Ellison
When you can gain clarity and confidence in who you are, you are able to love yourself unconditionally and in turn give more to those around you.
You are able to keep your cup full and in turn be calmer, happier, more productive and more present. The feelings of resentment, frustration, and exhaustion will be in the past.
Rediscovering you, figuring out who you are now (because you’ll never be the same person as you were before kids and that’s ok) will lift you, will fuel you, will have you walking confidently into rooms, and allow you to make decisions without the overwhelm or doubt.
You will be more fun to be around and will be able to spend better time with your family actually being present.
Here are 5 steps to rediscovering who you are
# 1 Listen
Start to listen to those voices in your head. When something new comes up, a decision has to be made, the overwhelm clicks in, check in to see what you are telling yourself.
Write it down.
Fear is powerful and raises its ugly head each and every time change and growth is experienced. That doesn’t mean it isn’t the right way to go.
So what types of things do you repeat to yourself? “I don’t know” “I’m too busy” “I can’t do that” “Are you sure about that?” “I don’t want to do this anymore”
Write them down. Notice them. Take control of them.
#2 Re-write It
Once you know what thoughts and beliefs you have about yourself and your situation you can take back the power and start to rewrite these beliefs.
Positive affirmations can be incredibly powerful. I recommend that you start your day off with them.
Often people think that using affirmations means telling yourself something that you want to believe but don’t yet. It can feel like a lie and hard to put yourself behind it.
I don’t believe this to be true though. In fact, you can see my suggestions for creating affirmations here!
Affirmations are meant to be created in a way that starts the shift in your mind.
Picking something that works and feels right for YOU is very important in this process.
For example, instead of saying “I am thankful for all the time I have in the day” when you are actually feeling like time is more precious than air, I would recommend going with something more along the lines of “I am excited to be learning more about how to better organize my time”
Meditation has been proven over and over again its effectiveness and positive impacts on ourselves.
We live in a fast pace, go-go-go society and have forgotten that finding stillness and slowing down can be more productive then speeding up.
Finding quiet can allow for clarity. We have all of the answers we need but the struggle happens when we don’t make time to stop and listen.
The more you develop this awareness of yourself, the more you learn to listen, the clearer things get. The easier things are.
Meditation isn’t about silencing the mind, it’s about reconnecting with oneself. It’s about rediscovering who you are. How your body reacts. What your mind is trying to tell you. What you already know and what you need to show more curiosity towards.
Remember: Doing less can be more productive than doing more.
Allow yourself to dream. To feel into your desires. Release the judgment, let go of the fear and give yourself the opportunity to explore the potential for your future.
Write down your dreams and make a list of all the possibilities.
Want a real impact? Do it EVERY DAY. You will learn a lot about you when you give into where you want to go and who you want to be.
Journalling can be a great resource in this process.
The invisible world creates the visible world
#5 Be Brave
All change and growth come with fear. Our minds are trained to keep us safe, even if that means being unhappy.
It might not be ideal but we know what to expect if we stay where we are, so challenging our beliefs with change requires great courage.
You must show bravery and let yourself be vulnerable for this growth to happen.
You CAN do it. You DO deserve it. Be brave. Have the courage to explore your potential and see what you can do. Anything is possible.
Vulnerability is the birthplace of love, belonging, joy, courage, empathy, and creativity. It is the source of hope, empathy, accountability, and authenticity. If we want greater clarity in our purpose or deeper and more meaningful spiritual lives, vulnerability is the path
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