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Abu Dhabi Woman
Stillababe

First time mum - always sad or angry

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Hi all. I am a first time mom. I gave birth to my son on February 6th in Dubai. Everything was fine until I was at my moms place. I came to abudhabi to live with my husband now and I find myself crying all the time or else yelling. At times I even yell at my son and feel guilty about it. My husband wants to take me and my son to India to meet relatives. I don't want to go to India because I don't want to put my son in any unnecessary risk of infection. Plus, am afraid that if he gets fussy because of any illness in India I may get even angrier or sadder. I know for sure that he will have some health problems when he goes there because I was born indubai and I still get sick when I go to India so do my friends who were born here. And there are no good health facilities in the place where we live. Somebody help me. What can I do ? Is it irrational of me to be overreacting about the visit. I told my husband to call my in laws here but he doesn't listen.

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Well dear .. We all know how hard it is to be a mom for the first time , but we won't forget how beautiful and amazing it is .. I understand how tired and exhausted u are but it doesn't mean that u can yell at ur 3 months old baby , specially that u always feel guilty , so always try to remember  how powerless he is and how much he needs u . And don't forget that he is just An angel .. 

I think u need a break .. Try to go to a spa day or walk and leave him sleeping with his dady at home .. Or read some books it will help u to calm down and remove the stress .. 

I don't know the situation in India but I think that if u really don't want to travel then u should discuss it with ur husband and I'm sure he will understand . 

Best of luck dear 

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Hi if you were ok at your mums but not now, maybe its because you had support there?  It sounds like you need some support here, to take the load off, new babies can be exhausting, maybe your husband can help, get a cleaner to do some chores for you, order takeaway food sometimes instead of cooking, send your clothing out to be laundered - just small things can lighten the load on a new mum and give you more time to enjoy being a mum. It can be overwhelming.    Also try joining a mums group and being in contact with other mums with babies of a similar age - its nice to have the company and you might be surprised to find they have similar worries and concerns to you.    If you are worried about how you feel and how you are behaving you should go and speak to an understanding doctor, post natal depression is very common and it may be this is what is affecting you - a good doctor will be able to help you handle this.

 

As for going to India  - you seem very worried about this and stress and worry is the last thing you need.  Why not put it off , explain your concerns to your husband and consider going at a later stage when your child is older and more robust and less likely to pick up any germs or infections - maybe once he has had all his vaccinations?   If your husband is adamant he wants the relatives to meet the baby maybe you could suggest them coming here for a little while instead?

 

You've realised you are not happy with the current situation and by posting on here for advice thats a step towards making things better.  Don't underestimate what a challenge a newborn baby can be, and please consider talking to a doctor as I think this might really help you.

 

Take care x

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Exactly everything Bunnyrabbit said. I hope you get the support you need, some time to yourself, and some good restful sleep.

If you are breastfeeding, do your best to continue as it will help bolster your baby's immune system. You are not being unreasonable with your concern's for baby's health in going to India.

Being a first time mom away from your own family isn't easy. So, we all need to make a "family" of friends for support, having someone to vent to, understand and lend a helping hand when you need it.

There are a number of playgroups/support groups for Moms in AbuDhabi and probably one near where you live. Have a look around on facebook, or even post here to see if someone is available to meet up for coffee or tea.

It will get better. Hang in there. If you are feeling sad and angry most of the time though, you may be going through postpartum depression and should seek out a professional to help you manage and get back to your usual self. Anger can be a symptom of depression.

http://www.postpartumprogress.com/the-symptoms-of-postpartum-depression-anxiety-in-plain-mama-english

 

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Well done you posting on here and seeking some support. To me it sounds like your suffering from Post Natal Depression....go see a Dr...I suffered for a long time thinking it would all settle and it really wasn't that big a problem. Saw a Dr and was put on medication....i can still to this dayremember  being amazed a few weeks later actually noticing myself smiling...I didn't realize i was as bad as I was. Good luck....lots of us mum's suffer....having a baby is great..but it's not all glossy and perfect. 

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I agree with the above advice about seeing a doctor. If you are one who doesn't like to go, I totally understand! However, I am sure you want to be at your best to take care of your baby and husband, and doctors can help you get on a better path to feeling well again. Hormones go through a lot of changes around this time, and it can be really important to get support and possibly medication if it is needed. Every woman is different, so don't try to compare with others or feel bad for what you are going through. Babies might seem like angels, but they can be extremely difficult to handle ;  ) My older son was like that from day one, just not easy to please, and he's still that way!

I think the feeling of being totally responsible for your child, but not necessarily being able to control your circumstances (such as the travel issue) can be very challenging for you. Perhaps it would be helpful to have some one to talk to (like a counselor?) to work out what you think would be necessary to make such a trip a success, so that you can let your husband see that you are not ruling it out totally forever, you just have some concerns that need to be addressed. Perhaps your pediatrician can give some advice, and of course making sure baby gets the recommended vaccines (possibly different for the area you may travel to). Be sure your medical insurance will cover you there, whenever you do decide to go.

Just some thoughts. Please hang in there. And I will share one more idea that we were taught in birthing class: If and when you feel that it is getting to be too much with the baby, just put him down in a safe place like his crib, and go and take some time for yourself. He won't hurt himself by crying, and you can call someone or do something that will help you calm down. I think I prayed most when my children were little babies, and it really helped! ; )

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Thank you all for your kind words and advises . I took it all and went forward. I apologise for the late reply . I did not talk to my doctor though. I did talk to moms in my area who were a great help. I also spent a lot of time at my mums. It was all going manageable . We also booked tickets for August 14 to India . I am not totally into it but I am doing my best to stay positive and happy. But i still think I need counselling. Do any of u have a good counsellor in mind? A doctor or someone maybe. i appreciate the help. My son is 5 months now .. It has been a difficult time but I waded through. Still I know I need help . Thank you ladies . And really sorry for the late replies. I read them but didn't reply . 

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Are you in Dubai or AbuDhabi now? There is a facebook group Abu Dhabi Birth Directory that may have some good suggestions for counselors who focus on postpartum issues. The first baby really turns your world upside down and it's so important to have support. The second half of his first year ought to be a bit easier in some ways, but becomes a challenge in others because of his mobility and starting solid foods. Thanks for checking in again.  :smile:

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Stillababe, Congratulations on your little bundle of joy and welcome to motherhood. Apart from visiting a counsellor/doctor also try activities that you can do with your little one together. Back in Canada they had Mom and Me Yoga class, swimming classes with your little one, Gymboree play and learn. I am new in Abu Dhabi so don't know what facilities are available here but getting active with your little one will help with the bonding with your little one and also help you  getting rid of the stress of motherhood. Also try to have your husband join you and your little one.

Watching your little one grow is one of the best feeling in itself but they grow up very fast so try to enjoy every moment of it.

Take time out for yourself even if it is a 15 minute away from home, I know its hard to even get a relaxing bath but get some one to watch your little one. Ask your husband to watch the baby while you do something that you enjoyed doing before the baby, music, dance, exercise, or even sleep.

As for going to India, take it  positively. There are certain things you can do to make the travel less hassle. The ear pressure in the flight can make the flight difficult for the little one. Nurse, feed your baby or let him or her suck on something during takeoff and landing. This will help elevate the pressure on those little ears. Ask for the bassinet seat, pack light for your carry on. Airline usually provide basic stuff when you travel with infant. Try keeping him active/ busy at the airport. This will make him tired and he will sleep during the flight. (I still do this for my little one and he is not little any more, 7 years old but when you are travelling 14 hours flight, he can be a handful so we walk around the airport playing games like treasure hunt so he keeps moving)  Dont stress on this one. If he decides to sleep before that its ok.

 

 

 

 

 

Edited by hinarauf

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